Getting everything you want

Oct 4, 2009

Editor's note: The Coaches Corner column appears regularly on the DrBicuspid.com advice and opinion page, Second Opinion.

Wouldn't it be great to have it all? That's the ultimate goal for many of us. Society reinforces this idea through media advertising, TV programs, and chitchat at cocktail parties. We admire the people who seem to have it all, and wish we could have it all for ourselves.

Here's the problem: Most of us think having it all means having all the material things available to anyone who has the money to buy them. So "all" really means having a lot of money. To most of us, having a lot of money means having more than you have right now. By this definition, you can never have it all because you never have enough money.

Interestingly, money does buy stuff, but it really doesn't seem to buy happiness or satisfaction. (This is not a rationalization from an author/coach who is someone less than a billionaire!) A lot of recent research into personal fulfillment and happiness has shown that happiness is independent of material wealth or income level. Many rich people are miserable, and quite a few poor people are content..

The happiness experts say that your happiness depends on four major areas of your life: physical comfort (which can be approximated by personal wealth), the satisfaction you feel in your relationships, your sense of spirituality, and your feelings of purpose. Of these factors, wealth seems to be least important to personal happiness.

If you were to ask the truly happy people, most would say they do have it all. They could, of course, have more money, but they have enough for the most part. They make up for the lack of money with the quality of their relationships. They also feel a connection to something greater than themselves. And they have purpose to their lives and feel a sense of accomplishment.

So, how do you have it all? First, you have to decide what the meaning of "all" is. If it's just the money, go for it. But the history of mankind shows that wealth is just a small part of having it all. If you decide that the other three factors are important to you, then perhaps you will want to de-emphasize the role of money in your life and work on the other parts of your "all." You don't need money to get them, but they are invaluable when you have them.

Alan Stafford, D.D.S., M.B.A., M.A.G.D., is a certified coach who shows dentists how to create the perfect practice and the perfect life: more time, less stress, more joy. Contact Dr. Stafford at [email protected] or [email protected].

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