Oh, this old thing?

Feb 16, 2009

Editor's note: Jimmy Earll (not his real name) is a practicing dentist in Northern California and a stand-up comic who performs all over North America. His column, Laughing Gas, appears regularly on the DrBicuspid.com advice and opinion page, Second Opinion.

I've been married for 18 years now. I recently had a married life epiphany.

My wife knows I suffer from delayed reactionitis. I'll notice her carrying a new purse, and I'll ask, "When did you get that?"

To which my wife will reply, "Oh, this old thing? Months ago."

When I hear that, for some reason I usually smile and say, "Oh, OK." Like the purchasing department had already approved the request.

Over the years I remember asking, "Is that a new dress?" "Is that a new watch or necklace?" "Are those new shoes?" And I always got the same response: "Oh, this old thing? I bought it months ago."

It was the same at the office. My wife helped out sometimes. One day I noticed new flat-screen monitors up in the front office. "These old things?" she said. "You approved these months ago."

Oh, OK. The employees would nod, but never look me in the eye.

"Did the girls get new scrubs?" I'd ask.

"Oh, no -- they've had those for months now," my wife would reply.

But one day my wife blew it. She pushed her luck. I came home to find a brand-new car in the driveway, and I asked her, "What's up with that?"

She said, "That old thing?" with her usual smile -- but it turned out she was just test driving the car.

Good thing for her, because you have to wake up pretty early in the morning to put one over on me.

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