The closet is a euphemism for all things scary, dark, and feared. A place we shove unwanted items or things we don't want to deal with in a given moment. The closet is such a visual representation of all things deep and dark that we have cliches about being in them, where our skeletons lie, and where poltergeists linger.
Once a year or so, you probably find yourself so tired with the disorganized mess that you clean and purge. And what about those internal closets? Those secured vaults tucked away in the bellows of your gut. It's the closet where you stuff your fears, insecurities, regret, guilt, and gremlins, hoping to never speak or hear of them again. It's the place you run and hide when you don't want anyone to find out your true feelings. Just as those closets in your practice need cleaning and purging, so too does your internal closet.
Why being in the closet hurts us
Jen Butler, MEd.We pay the price. Closets are small. They're not meant to hold a lot, yet we stuff and stuff until they finally overflow and everything topples out. Literally, we can pick it all up and throw it all back in. Figuratively, there are some serious repercussions, and we pay the price. We can't predict when, where, how, and in what form our purge will take place, but know that the body can only take so much stuffing and storing of emotional baggage before it purges itself. Bystanders beware!
Blocks us. When we keep a ton of clutter, it clouds our ability to see clearly. Open your nearest closet door. Can you see everything in it? How about all the way through to the back? Same with the internal closet. All those catabolic feelings, negative thoughts, and traumatic experiences behind the closet door have a direct impact on our paradigm and filter of our world. Instead of being our authentic self, we become a walking manifestation of our closet. We make decisions by our fears, pass on opportunities because of our insecurities, lack vision by the weight of our regret and guilt, and live small as our gremlins scare us right back into our closets.
Creates a chronic stress cycle. What we love and hate most about our closets is that they hide all the chaos in our lives. The appearance is that we are neat and tidy and have it together gives us the strength and sometimes ignorance to keep moving forward. As we move, those items in our closet trigger our stress response. The more chaos we see and feel, the more our brains struggle to coherently process what is occurring, which sustains our stress response. What we are actually trying to avoid -- stress -- we are unintentionally perpetuating by keeping our closets full.
How to come clean
As in your literal closet, cleaning out your internal vault will help you reduce stress and live a life where you can be bolder and play bigger.
Get it all out. You can't change what you don't acknowledge. Purging your soul is the first step in coming clean.
Categorize. Once it's all out on the table, you can start to categorize and compartmentalize. When you clean out your office closets, you put things in boxes or storage containers that fit together. You find the root cause as to how they are connected and deal with them all at once. The same steps apply with your internal closet. Those many different feelings, emotions, thoughts, experiences, and memories seem overwhelming when they are just floating around disconnected. Connect the dots and put them in boxes. It's easier to find solutions to a few issues than to a plethora of random, tiny ones.
Donate. When you share things with others it enriches all of your lives. What you might not be able to handle or manage, someone else might find it easy to process and find solutions. Sharing things with others lightens your load, and you don't feel so weighed down and burdened. If don't want to share with friends, consider more professional organizations.
Throw out. Finally, if what you find in your closet doesn't serve you, pitch it! Don't hang on to it out of habit or fear that you might need it in the future. We don't always need to understand why we feel, think, or remember certain experiences. Actually, what often keeps us stuck and stuffing our closets full is caused by our need to understand the why behind an event or situation. Many times in life, we don't need to understand, just accept.
We all have closets. They are a positive coping method to help us avert things we aren't equipped or ready to manage. It's not the purging of the closets themselves we need to deal with. It's when we have items in there for years and years that hold us back and weigh us down that we need to become aware and clean up. You know, if you haven't cleaned out your closets in a while, it's time.
Jen Butler, MEd, certified professional coach (CPC), board-certified coach (BCC), has been working in the area of stress management and resiliency coaching for more than 20 years. She is available as a coach/consultant, speaker, and trainer. To learn more about her services, to sign up for her monthly "stressLESS" newsletter, or to take the Dental Stress Self-Assessment, please visit her website. Contact her at 623-776-6715 or [email protected] for more information.
The comments and observations expressed herein do not necessarily reflect the opinions of DrBicuspid.com, nor should they be construed as an endorsement or admonishment of any particular idea, vendor, or organization.
